Addictions – Ode to Cory Monteith

A few years ago, I spent some time at a lovely “behavioral center” across the street from Sea World. Of the various group sessions I attended, I’ve found myself continually recollecting one particular session about addictions. I remember sitting there trying to decide what I was going to share as my addiction in the group. I listened to the others, crying over stories of crack addicts, alcoholics, dope fiends, and meth heads.

I finally just said that I was addicted to hurting myself.

For weeks afterward, I shook my head as I remembered the smiling faces of the addicts. They probably wondered what a girl like me would even know about pain.

Last week, Cory Monteith was found dead from a combination of heroin and alcohol. For years, he said he had struggled from drug addiction and even stopped by a few rehabs along the way to his rise to fame in Glee. But even with the help of on screen and off screen love, Lea Michele, the act of injecting and imbibing drugs to feel better about himself became too much for him to ignore.

Cory Monteith, gone too soon.

Or maybe not as soon as he wanted. I have found in my experience that those who do drugs do so to heal a pain there is no cure for: Self-Loathing. Those smiling faces in the group weren’t mocking me, they were supporting me by saying “dude, we like to hurt ourselves too”. People willing to destroy themselves physically are most likely feeling destroyed mentally already. The fact that he was on Glee and probably had enough money to life the rest of his life doesn’t mean much if you consider that he probably didn’t feel all so hot about himself in recent months. All speculation but could you really imagine a happy drug addict?

Alas, Glee will return in September, without Finn Hudson. And not only will writers have the difficult task of writing the beloved and well developed character out of the show, but the cast will have to perform in the same room where they had once stood with their fallen co-star.

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